Her hair and make-up are immaculate; he’s in a tuxedo with a tie matching the colour of her floor-length gown. She looks him in the eye as he places the ring on her finger.
But this isn’t a wedding. They’re father and daughter at a “purity ball” in America where girls as young as 10 pledge to their dad they’ll remain a virgin until the ring he has given her is replaced by a wedding ring.
The annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball was founded in 1998 by Randy and Lisa Wilson to symbolise a father’s influence on his daughter to lead a lifestyle of purity.
“It’s also good for me,” says Terry Lee (54) at the ball in Atlanta. “It inspires me to be more spiritual and moral. If I’m holding my children to such high standards you can be sure I won’t be cheating on their mother.”
It’s a dads-and-daughters do only; there are no moms present.
The abstinence movement is gaining momentum in America, with teen role models such as singer Jordin Sparks and the Jonas Brothers flashing their rings. In SA movements such as True Love Waits and Silver Ring Thing also encourage pledges of sexual abstinence until marriage.
Do they work? Studies have shown 88 per cent of teens who take the vow are likely to break it before marriage, marry too young or fall pregnant and have abortions without their parents’ knowledge. Experts warn the pledge could harm young girls if they find they can’t stick to it.
It’s oppressive, unrealistic and reflects unhealthy control, Cape Town psychosexual therapist Dr Joan Campbell says. “It can cause young women to feel fear, guilt and shame about sex which can have devastating consequences for their development.”
“The ideas preached by these programmes are purely theoretical until teens are faced with a real-life situation requiring a yes/no response,” Sandton psychologist Debra Bright says. “Even in adulthood decisions are often the easy part; it’s carrying them through that creates difficulty.”
Popular counsellor Dr Marlene Wasserman says the programmes actually increase the risk of pregnancy, STDs and unsatisfying sexual experiences.
“Research shows teens who are taught an abstinence-based curriculum delay their first intercourse by about six months compared with teens exposed to comprehensive sex education. So there’s no gain, only pain and shame, in these programmes.”
“We push for abstinence only because we say a condom can’t protect your mind, heart and virginity. We say wait for your life partner before being sexually active,” says Gerhard de Koker, general manager of Silver Ring Thing SA which has 150 000 members.
Jerusha Olsen, spokesperson for True Love Waits SA, which has more than 400 000 members, says they’re trying to give teens an alternative to the sex being forced on them by society.
“Rather give teenagers guidelines on how to make an informed choice about sex. Delaying sexual intercourse is good but only when it is your choice,” Dr Campbell says.
Talk to us - Click here.
To subscribe to YOU’s print version click here and we’ll call you. Fill in your phone number, type subscribe in the message box and click Submit.
